Unconditional Love

I continue to learn daily. I was the one who'd always ask during many of life's questionable circumstances, "what is the meaning of life?" This may all be my fault because I needed an answer to this life-long question. Those closest to me have had this conversation with me as a kid, a confused adolescent, an adult over a good beer. Often times we'd laugh over the possibility of even answering this question legitimately. I believe I am learning. A very special, special friend has re-entered my life recently and has taught me that life is measured by how you love. The only thing that matters in the end is, "how did you love?" I'm seeing this light. 

To bring everyone up to pace, I'm sitting at home after yet another miserable stay at the hospital. I don't feel well yet but am hoping each new day will bring me a little bit back to normal. Ahhhh, to feel normal. Hope with me, friends. I don't want to get too far into details but let's just laugh together and say I was literally "full of shit." Painfully full. We're hoping this has fixed what has been paining me for some time now. But I am home now, able to sleep in the comfort of my man and my pups, my bed, not connected to an IV, stranded to a hospital bed, highly medicated, longing for relief. During this time, my mom did not leave my side. 

I've mentioned her briefly but yet again, words cannot begin to explain the beauty of this woman. She works full time, has been dealt many, many trying battles, and now has to see her daughter fighting for her life daily. It's not fair. But she does it with such grace, patience, love and understanding. She puts her faith in The Lord for better days. She believes and it helps me believe. I would be nowhere without the love of my mother. She is my rock. 

 

I've never wanted children; thankfully it wasn't in my books. Selfish, maybe? Or maybe just not cut out for all it entails. I'm fine loving my dogs unconditionally. Sometimes I am thankful this monster happened to me and not another woman that longed for the bond I know only a mother can feel. I can't speak for myself, but being on the receiving end, it is pretty damn amazing. This is what angers me most for my SCCC and LCCC sisters- ones that will never get to experience this and longed only for this. It's not fair, yet another question we cannot answer. 

To all the mothers out there, I give you mad props. And the kids that just don't understand it, take a step back and be thankful. Mothers are among our greatest gifts. 

Photo caption: Much brighter days, Mom has been by my side...always.