I've been in like. I've been in lust. I've been infatuated. I've been used. I've loved. But I didn't know I'd gain the wisdom to realize I was truly in love- or what that meant for that matter. Many people go through life not knowing what that feels like- I guess I'm a lucky one.
True love is moving to a new city alone, expecting your girlfriend to follow. When she changes her mind on you because that's what girls do, you don't get mad, you go with the new plan. Ok, you're a little pissed, but moving back isn't that bad.
True love is having to move in with her mom for an unknown amount of time while she finishes off treatments from a diagnosis that has changed her so drastically in a matter of three months that you both have to take a step back to get to know the girl you fell in love with beneath new painful scars, scraggly, bald hair, random hot flashes and nauseous spells caused from the wet summer. I'll never forgot the smell of mold everywhere that summer.
True love is pushing forward and finding hope for a future without this mess. Never once backing down from the monster that lurks. It is trying to jump back on the track at that interval before your life turned upside down. And it works- well sort of- for about the three months you have of normalcy. Of waiting, patiently to believe the disease is gone.
It is finding out that the living hell is not over. It's round two. And he's still not leaving your side.
It's countless hours spent by a hospital bed for God knows what reason this time, and next. It's losing my hair in its entirety from this type of poison. He doesn't lie and I love that he doesn't lie. It's creating an endearing name: Chimpcess; Princess and Chimp. His Chimpcess. And I love it.
It's forcing me to eat when I want nothing. It's taking over everything I was supposed to do for him: cleaning, cooking, laundry. He does it all. It's working from home two days a week to run me to appointments, run to the pharmacy for my countless meds, or even to force me out of bed for just a little. It's going to the grocery store when I've finished the last Raspberry Popsicle In the box. It's telling me on chemo days to "think positive," knowing the week ahead is going to be a bitch. It's continually asking me if he can do anything for me.
It's joking with me late at night in bed while we mess with the pups, never once making me feel like "Tina with cancer." To the world, that is who I have become, but to my man, I'm still his little bit of hope that in some mind-blowing way, can still make him smile.
That is true love. And I have it.
Happy 30th Birthday to my amazing, old man. Without you, this would be a pretty lame fight.
Disclaimer/ Lesson: Love in no way equals perfection. Two hard heads and strong opinions often lead to disagreement. But this is the most important acknowledgement on my journey to discovering true love. Don't be fooled when butterflies fade and comfort sets in. That comfort will be worth a hell of a lot more down the road. This, I promise.
Photo Captions: A few fun ones of the pups. Really, this entertains us.
Qkie Monster is embarrassed!
Where's Boo Boo?
...and Smolgy June. She may look innocent but don't let her fool you.
