A little note on love

It's been a tricky couple of weeks. Battling stomach issues is no fun, but I guess it's part of my journey/battle. In the mean time, I wanted to pick up the pen again (or iPad) and share a little something. Something unrelated to my issues (plenty more of that to come).

This is a photo of my dining room table- the first piece of furniture to make its way into my new home. My home that brings me so much joy and comfort. My home that has already built lasting memories for the mere two months we've been here. We've shared many meals at this table, mainly prepared by the loving Italian hands of my mother (I didn't get her cooking skills), countless laughs with my girls, and a few prayers. 

Background: I was lucky enough to have a pretty furnished home when we moved- my man had most of the furniture we needed, but I wanted a dining room table, and figured a girl can have a dining room table if she wants one. 

I grew up in a loving Italian family. Nana would cook for the entire family on Sundays when I was a kid. Im talking the entire family: her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. That table in the basement was the focal point for many of my great memories as a kid- I'm sure all the Vespuccis can attest to this. There's something special about a meal cooked by a tiny, yet mighty 80 year old Italian lady. A form of love that's indescribable. And I hope she knows how much we appreciated those Sundays. I found that perfect table that reminds me of Nana. 

I'm a pretty practical person and started doing my research on Craigslist. With the help of my dad and a lot of friends, we managed to transport the table from the home of an incredibly kind young man and his wife, to my new home. It's marble. And heavy. Needless to say, it was a pain in the ass. The table came with an added bonus. A quote I had never heard. A lesson for me, and one I want to share. Glued to the underneath is a note, on plain white paper that reads: "Love is saying I feel differently instead of you're wrong."

It is so, so simple. We all argue, we all have different views, opinions, it's what makes us unique as individuals. But we often let life, views, opinions, arguments get in the way of something we take for granted daily: the love of those closest to us. 

Maybe, just maybe you can remember this next time you argue over something so small. Life is too short for wasted negative energy. 

Accepting...graciously

I have the most fierce and loving warriors in my corner. Without them, there would be no fight. 

Everyone keeps reminding me of my strength and courage but what everyone fails to see, is that I simply could not face every day (almost every day) with a positive attitude that I can win this battle, without the support of them. I have prayers being sent from my entire family here in Ohio, friends from the West Coast, Mid West, and the deepest of prayers from my family in the South, where faith runs a bit more thick.

Needless to say, I have surpassed the point of being overwhelmed by love, gifts, daily pick-me-ups, flowers, cards, countless hours spent by my side in the hospital (a place I still despise- some things you just can't get used to). I am grateful. And this has been another very, very tough lesson for a girl that never liked attention and had a really hard time accepting the generosity of others. There was always a sense of undeserving. My team has made that impossible to believe. 

I must mention, that complete strangers have blown me away. I've said this once. And I'll say it again because it is simple, yet incredibly true and I firmly believe this: Very bad things often open your eyes to the good that exists in the world. 

Lesson: Accept help. Accept time. Accept "things." Accept love. I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read: Humankind; be both. I spent years believing the world is corrupt. Not that the belief has fully dissipated, but my, have I seen the good in the world in the past year.

Photo caption: I told you all that I wish I could work right now. Maybe this photo can explain why. My team is incredible. They've left me speechless. And made my Christmas. 

Regret

You all are coming into this journey at an awkward time, but those that want to know the story from the get go, check out my sister's blog on caringbridge.com ( https://www.caringbridge.org/signin. Please continue to follow her for updates on big stuff. She writes a whole lot different than I do, and it's incredibly kind. ) This is my fault, because I didn't want attention, I didn't want to write, or read, or do much of anything when I first got diagnosed. Granted, I was hit pretty hard with some nasty treatment at the time. But truth is, even though the beast found its grimy way into other parts of my body, I feel a whole lot different. The sun is a whole lot brighter, time with my friends and family are filled with a lot more laughter (often times at the expense of myself- maybe the way my hair decided to fall out with this round of chemo?!? I believe this round had a way of making my hair resemble Wooly Willy)! You have to laugh...And I've stopped caring about dumb things that truly are dumb, like my POS car or making "to-do" lists for every damn thing. It has helped. 

I've had set-backs. Haven't we all? The hardest part for me now (after a brutal five day stint in the hospital) is accepting that I shouldn't work right now. Really. Next time you wake up and think your job is the most miserable thing you could possibly do that day, remember there is far worse. I promise. 

I know there is a lot of rambling, but I had to preface today's lesson with a bit of background and some random feelings of today. Have I mentioned, it is a good day?

Lesson: I received a text from a childhood/high school friend this morning. Let me add, I've received the most incredible outreach from friends and family, past and present. Her words: " I have been looking through old pics and everyday at some point memories pop into my head and so does my regret for not keeping the friendship up with the girls."

No regrets, my friends. This is life. Anything you regret was simply a lesson. Some harder than others, but we do not grow, we do not learn without making mistakes. Regrets restrain your mind and ultimately cripple your ability to move on and forgive yourself. Instead of regretting "things," change your next move; hold on tight to the friendships you have now; embrace new ones; love deeper; live on and stop looking at yesterday. 

Photo credit: This is my best friend. With my dogs. She gives me a reason to smile every day.